I have bad news for new parents…

Parents want their children to be happy. 
 

It’s slightly more nuanced than this.  We also desire safety, security, prosperity, and a few other things but it all really reduces to happy. We want our children to be happy.

When kids are young, we can provide this happiness. Read Horton Hears a Who. Load the stroller with toy trucks and head to the park where there is a sandbox. Run alongside holding onto the bike seat shouting encouragement. 

When our kids are young, our burden is time. Invest your time in your child and she is happy. Sometimes this is hard. Time with your child is time away from friends and other activities. But, time with your child is a virtual guarantee that he will be happy and so it’s an easy sacrifice to make. 

Here is the bad news…

When children cross from childhood into adulthood this formula no longer applies. You are no longer able to guarantee the happiness of your child with the simple investiture of time because, like you, they start to worry about the future. They have anxiety about school, friends, jobs, careers, and relationships. And you can’t fix any of it. 

I find this phase of parenting to be much harder. The burden is not on my time, it’s on my heart. I still just want my children to be happy but this is now in their hands, not mine. And, this is hard. Even when they are happy -- which is most of the time, I think -- I worry about it.

A whole new skill set it required. What are the boundaries? How much help can I offer? What kind of help do they want? It’s much more complex than simply going to the zoo with grandpa. 

 

Good luck. Parenting is a life’s work. The most stressful, worrisome, awesome, uplifting, and fulfilling thing in life. It is humbling. It defines my place in the universe. I am the person that occupies the space between my parents and my children. It gets harder, not easier. But, I wouldn't want it any other way.