What were they thinking?

We often encounter behaviour that, in hindsight, seems utterly misguided and naïve. Behavior that, once revealed, falls on the continuum between mildly embarrassing and downright criminal. Why are we so bad at risk/reward analysis?

Why did a dozen male Dalhousie dental students think that putting their juvenile misogynist thoughts on a Facebook group was OK? On one side of the ledger is the possibility of discipline and expulsion – which they considered as a possibility after the fact because they discussed destroying the evidence. The benefit? A few juvenile chuckles. 

Why did U.S. Congressman Anthony Weiner think that texting picture of his genitals to six women over four years was a good idea?  One on side of the ledger is the complete destruction of his career in politics – which, as a savvy politician, he would have understood as a risk. The benefit? A sexual tryst with a female acquaintance.

What good did millionaire quarterback Brett Favre think would come from texting pictures of his junk to Jenn Sterger? On one side of the ledger is the embarrassment of having your large public persona smeared by having your penis revealed on the internet. The benefit? The titillation of flirting with a cheerleader.

The risk/reward analysis in these three sexually charged examples has a really clear outcome – don’t do that.

So, what were they thinking? The answer is that they were not thinking. They did not do any risk analysis. They acted hedonistically with no regard to the possible consequences of being caught. “What were they thinking” assumes that some thought has been given to the matter. Um… nope. Not one thought was given that day. The question doesn't make sense because it assumes that some sort of analysis was made but it wasn't. They were not thinking.

I recently argued that there is something in our animal nature that makes us into base, sexual creatures at times. While this may be true, my friend Elizabeth points out that no matter how much smartphone training a chimpanzee receives, it will not even occur to him to take a photo of his chimp parts and send it to a prospective partner. Sexting isn’t animal – it’s deeply human. 

With some things, don’t waste your time trying to figure out what, in retrospect, your friend, lover, colleague, son, or daughter was thinking. That’s a mug’s game. They were not thinking. Invest your time in helping yourself and others think with greater clarity in the future.